Let’s just see what happens
The advice no one asked for but everyone needs
If you read enough Substack, watch TikTok videos, or listen to any amount of podcasts, you’ll eventually be exposed to the smiling men and women who are optimizing their bodies and minds, maximizing their experiences, disrupting modern life, and sharing it all online. They run the gamut and are into words like quantified self, biohacking, wellness, digital nomad, supplements, self care, tiny houses, manifestation, deliberate discomfort, dopamine fasting, lifestyle optimization, crystal juicing, shipping containercore, intermittent goats, and, for some reason, vans. A lot of these intentional types seem to live in vans. I am old enough to remember when you didn’t want to live in a van (down by the river!) Hey, good for you, vans. You’re no longer just for creepy loners. What a comeback.
The people you follow because you are dissatisfied with your own life come from places like California and Colorado and Florida, where there are so many other life improvers out and about that while you are listening to their podcast you may hear someone else doing a different podcast in the background.
“Hey, I’m trying to do a podcast here!” one will yell.
“So, am I, pal!” the other will yell back. “Sorry, folks. This rude interruption is brought to you by Squarespace. If you’re looking to interrupt the digital marketplace, Squarespace can help…”
They all want to help. They are influencers with influanswers. (Sorry/not sorry.) When not podcasting, they create highly addictive videos titled “How I installed knotty pine walls in my van” that you start watching and then you watch another, and another, and four days later you realize you haven’t moved and the police are breaking down your door because work called the cops to do a wellness check. This is why I deleted my Instagram and Tik-Tok – the government will not pay for a new door if they knock yours down. Lifestyle content is that addictive.
Now, I know what you’re wondering – Joe, you are in your high school’s hall of fame, which is the highest honor a person can ever receive, perhaps you should dispense some lifestyle advice. Me? I’ll never be one to video myself every day for public consumption – none of you can handle that kind of heat – but if I did, I’d offer up a totally approach to life improvement, something the people who shook things up as lawyers and purchased a farm and then became terrible farmers never talk about.
When it comes to life out here in the Midwest, we don’t really think much about optimizing, except the back patio for summer. (If your patio doesn’t have a 72-inch flatscreen and a wall-mounted liquor dispenser, why are you even outside?!) We have our own simple ways you don’t hear about on your fancy TED Talks and crypto meditation podcasts and Netflix docuwhatnots. I call this traditional yet effective approach to life: Let’s just see what happens.
This is the part where you expect me to define “Let’s just see what happens.” Nope. As someone who adheres to the “Let’s just see what happens” lifestyle, I’d rather just see what happens. A humble approach to life leaves doors open. When you lock into an unnatural habit like daily ice baths in order to experience voluntary discomfort, your path – among other things – narrows. You become the ice bath guy. All day long, you dread the ice baths. At parties, all you talk about are the ice baths. At Christmas, your family only gives you ice bath gear. How many bathrobes do you people think I need, you mutter into your eggnog. “Let’s just see what happens” keeps things open. It’s not about trying to thwart fate and wrest control of your destiny in a chaotic universe. “Let’s just see what happens” is about living in respectful partnership with the universal constant that is chaos. See, I knew we’d eventually make our way to a definition.
The Midwest is the logical birthplace of this lifestyle. Consider our weather – if you don’t like the season, wait 15 minutes. As I write this in Cleveland, it is snowing. Yesterday, it was 70 degrees. Which we call fake spring. We actually have 11 seasons here, eight of which are reasons why people move to Florida. Every day when we leave our homes, we have to be prepared for things like thundersnow, lake effect squalls, drought, snowquakes, tornadoes, derechos, violent wind door slammage, ice rink driveways, freeway blizzards, falling tree mazes, urban sinkholes, county fair heat strokes and explaining to the insurance guy how the car was destroyed by a hailstorm. I have no interest in tracking my biometrics for personal health insights when I’m tracking a supercell making its way through the Ohio Valley.
Our economy is also unpredictable. As I wrote in “The Ohio connection is too big to ignore”: In Ohio, every year is both 2006 and 1971. The economy is either in shambles or booming. … You can still find Radio Shacks, while miles away we’re building microchip plants. Malls survive in places malls should not exist. Meanwhile, we’re building astronaut training centers. The most popular restaurant in town is Bob Evans.
It never ends. Have you met our crazy families? It takes hours to leave a party. Have you seen the size of our potholes? You can plant trees in them. You might be motoring along, minding your own business, when you innocently chance upon a Testicle Festival. We have 11 mattress stores in a 1-mile radius, and we know half of them are mob fronts. Jell-O dishes are called salads. Everyone on the street shoots off fireworks because what the heck it’s August 12th. Cats and dogs living together. You get the idea.
There is a way to cope with the chaos while maintaining one’s tranquility. Yes, I said tranquility. Happiness is fleeting. No one can ALWAYS be happy without the use of top-shelf pharmaceuticals. Have you met people who are always happy? The worst. They’re hiding something. WHAT TWISTED DARKNESS ARE YOU SHROUDING BEHIND THAT PERMA-SMILE, SIMONE? DID YOU JOIN A CULT? OR ARE YOU A REPLICANT? The best that most of us can hope for is some tranquility, which is another way of saying calm. Calm is good. It means nothing is bothering you, which is something to shoot for in This Dark Year of Our Lord 2025. “Let’s just see what happens” gives you a chance at tranquility.
Before you go and say, gee, your small-town ways sure are charming and all, but isn’t “Let’s just see what happens” sort of passive? The Democrats/Republicans are out of control, the economy is making weird noises and no one has properly explained those UFOs to any of us. You just want to see what happens?
Fair point.
There is a rhythm to the “Let’s just see what happens” philosophy. It is organic. I hesitate to even put it into words because it can take so many forms. Think of it like a choose-your-own-adventure book, and yes, it can include action. Have you seen how much darn gear the average Ohioan keeps in their basements and garages? That’s for the action, baby.
Here is just one possible path…
Let’s just see what happens
Checking things out and seeing what’s what
⬇️
Welp, we knew this might happen
No use sitting around and complaining about it
Eh, shoot, we’ll figure it out
Make a plan for what do when we get down there, wherever there is, but it’s always down
⬇️
OK, let’s go
Most often involves a truck, but not always, because sometimes it’s ATVs
⬇️
Uh-oh
Well, that was a terrible idea, let’s try something else
⬇️
Tell story for decades
Pull up a lawn chair and grab a light domestic beer
The critics among you might say, you don’t need “Let’s just see what happens,” if you skip straight to “OK, let’s go” and I’m here to tell you that is a very, very bad idea. While most lifestylers are all about improvement, “Let’s just see what happens” aids in disaster avoidance. You don’t skip “Let’s just see what happens” ever because that’s how you – pardon my language, but I didn’t invent this popular Internet term – “F@#$ Around and Find Out.”
F@#$ing Around is really just taking action without intelligently considering all of the many factors and considerations in play. Finding Out is the consequence of hasty or ill-advised decision-making. As was skillfully documented in this educational and obscenity-riddled video, the more you F!@# Around, the more you will Find Out. Far too many people these days are F#$%ing Around and Finding Out, as documented daily on Twitter, which more than anything serves as a graveyard for poor choices. You can avoid Finding Out altogether by – say it with me – adopting a strategy of “Let’s just see what happens.”
Life is a river of chaos. No matter how nice those knotty pine walls are, you have to leave the van, which is still parked down by the river. Eventually, we all wade the floodbanks carrying a case of Miller Lite saying, “Eh, shoot, we’ll figure it out.”
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And this whole time, I just thought Ohio was Japanese for “good morning.” Here’s to RadioShacks continuing to withstand the thundersnows.
We were driving through eastern Colorado one time which isn’t really Colorado. Its actually West Kansas. In any case a dust devil broadsided our car as it zipped across the highway ignoring all roadside etiquette. It moved our SUV about 2 feet.
I guess my point is you seem unjustifiably over impressed with your weather.