Please congratulate me for not destroying my scale with a Louisville Slugger

Weigh-In Wednesday: Feb. 21, 2024

Throughout this journey, it never occurred to me that my scale was anything less than accurate. Then reader Laura and I experienced the exact same issue at the exact same time. The same weight kept popping up on my scale day after day after day, and I KNEW there was no way I weighed the EXACT same amount for like a week straight. 

I did some investigating (Googling), and it turns out that digital scales being inaccurate is a whole thing. Unlike an analog scale, which is a simple device, digital scales, which offer the benefit of being easier to read and generally nicer to look at (oooooh, I feel like I’m standing on a big iPhone), are more complicated because they contain electronics, and those electronics expand the ways in which the scale can malfunction. 

Now, listen, I know what you’re thinking. Joe – you just want a scale that tells you what you want to hear. You want a scale that says you’ve lost five pounds and you can finally pull off a cashmere sweater with full confidence and that those girls back in high school should have seen your inner beauty and had faith that 30 years later you would eventually lose the weight. Yes, yes, I do. Who doesn’t? But mainly what I ask for is a scale that doesn’t lie to my face. My digital scale is not accurate. I know this because I tried a hack mentioned by someone in the comments on a random weight-loss website.

Their advice:

1. Weigh yourself while holding something heavy

2. Weigh yourself again

3. The scale internally resets

You should get a new number.

I did this.

And it worked.

You know what also worked? My desire NOT to throw my digital scale out the bathroom window and give it the Office Space printer treatment. This is what grace looks like – me not partaking in the ritual destruction of faulty electronics.

Warning: Strong but appropriate language

Now I’m wondering: Was my Big Plateau actually a Big Fail by my digital scale? Did I almost give up because someone forgot to properly solder the doodad to the doohickey at the scale factory? How many people have quit their diets because they were frustrated by seeing the wrong number on their scales every day? Who else knows about this? Why isn’t Congress investigating? Why isn’t everyone talking about it? How far up does this thing go? All the way to the top? How does it end? Do we all need to get those doctor’s office scales that we desperately adjust in quarter-pound increments in an effort not to confront The Cold Hard Chubby Truth? 

Reader Laura tried the reset trick, too. 

Her report:

“So I tried resetting the scale. I grabbed a few items I had on the counter and stepped on the scale....that added five pounds. Then I put them back down and stepped on it again. I was down .2 of a pound. It wasn't a lot, but it did show a difference. Thanks for the tip!”

I know what the reasonable response to all this is – weight loss is about how you feel and look, not a number. Friend, I hear you. Friend, I don’t care. I know you should not check your weight every day, and it is really about how you feel inside, but I still gotta have that number because numbers are a measuring stick of progress and I’ve been using them to calibrate my self-worth since adults normalized this behavior when I was in grade school. (Siri – play “We didn’t start the fire” by Billy Joel.) When a friend asks how the diet is going, it’s easier to say, “I lost nine pounds” than it is to say, “The fat kangaroo pouch beneath my belly button is shrinking and now when I wear jeans I don’t feel like a Victorian lady dressing up for cotillion.” 

A new scale is in the mail.  

Drum roll, please...

Starting weight: 187

Last week: 179

This week: 178

Goal: 170

Feeling: Physically, never felt better. Mentally, I don’t trust digital devices anymore. In any situation, in the future, where there is an analog option, I’m going old-school, baby. The future is over. The past is the future. Long live analog. 

Shoutouts:

Laura wrote in response to fighting through temptation: What you said is exactly what happened to me when I gained back 40 pounds after working so hard to lose. I thought I could be ‘normal,’ something you also said. Losing weight made me feel like I was a normal person, so conversely, being overweight makes me feel like I'm less than normal. Maybe we can all get a discount on group therapy??

Which brings me to another point. I don't look down upon people who are overweight, so why do I look down at myself? I would be the first to encourage a friend to love him/herself the way they are....but when it comes to me I am an ugly, fat beast. That is exaggerating, but a younger me may have actually thought that. Older and wiser me doesn't care so much. Be kind begins at home.

Anyway, I maintained (which sounds better than I didn't lose). Good luck...at least you aren't a school secretary where small children love to give you chocolate on Valentine's Day. Not a complaint....my husband wins out on this one.

Ha! Good for him. My wife used to be a food journalist who reviewed restaurants and took me as her +1 a lot. There is no greater accomplishment in life than marrying well.

Your main point is spot on. When I was younger, I saw fatness as a kind of failing, and I was hard on myself as a result. Maturation is the process of holding onto that which is important and casting away that which is not. I have cast away the notion that being fat is some kind of failing.  

Our bodies were meant to survive and thrive in a pre-industrial environment. We’re among the first generations in human history that has had to deal with Pepsi and Doritos always within reach and those Hostess cupcakes with the perfect chocolate frosting and the always creamy middles being packed in our lunches by our parents. The playbook for how we navigate a world of abundance is still being written. 

When you add in the fact that some people are just naturally plump, and some people can eat everything and stay skinny, you realize it’s not fair to judge because genetics and gut health and other factors beyond our control play a huge role. 

I prefer to judge people based on their undeniable faults and obvious moral failings — there’s a lot to work with right there without even having to get into how they look.