You ordered groceries. You're getting chaos.

Your Instacart shopper is making replacements right as food prices skyrocket to record highs.

Photo by Nik on Unsplash

Lisa M just started shopping. We’ll let you know if any item replacements need your approval. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M refunded: Organic Baby Spinach, 5 oz. Reply “Y” to approve this refund, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Mountain High Yogurt, Whole Milk, Plain, Original, 64 oz., with Siggi's Icelandic Style Skyr Non-Fat Yogurt, Vanilla, 5.3 oz. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: 100 Percent Orange Juice Concentrate, 12 oz., with a solitary Clementine. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Coca-Cola Soda Pop, 2 Liters Bottle, with A Single Werther’s Original Suspended in Tap Water. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Fair Trade Midnight Blend Coffee, 12 oz., with a Track Coach Whistle from the 1970s. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Shelled Walnuts, 16 oz., with a Bag of Sand Like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Salmon with Mediterranean Herb, $15.99 per pound., with a Stick, a String and a Fishing Hook. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M refunded: Canned Cento Artichoke Hearts, 14 oz. All canned artichoke hearts in your pantry are now family heirlooms. Reply “Y” to approve this refund, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Brie Cheese Round, 8 oz., with a Stack of Old AOL Internet Mail CDs. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Organic Free-Range Chicken Thighs, 1.5 lbs., with a Live Pigeon She Trapped with a Cardboard Box. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Organic Strawberries, 16 oz., with a Very Enthusiastic High Five. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Stuffed Baby Bella Mushrooms, 8.5 oz, with “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Jif Peanut Butter Spreads, 16 oz., with an Highly Unstable Chrome Canister Marked PROPERTY OF THE UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT – DO NOT OPEN. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M is shoplifting: A Dozen Large Eggs. Reply “Y” to approve of Petty Theft, reply “A” to approve all previous order changes. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M replaced: Her 2010 Ford Focus, with an Unattended 2022 Dodge Charger, Neon Orange. Reply “Y” to approve this replacement, or see more options here. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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Lisa M has checked out with the items you ordered in tow. Your order is on the way, along with a multi-jurisdictional police response. https://tinyurl.com/5n73wdmk

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