Weigh-in Wednesday: Nov. 29, 2023
One of the reasons I'm trying to lose weight is shopping. Yes, shopping. Never, ever get me started on shopping. My wife can tell you – it causes my brain to break.
I'm not one to get hung up on looks. When I had hair, I never styled it. When I was single and I wanted to attract/trick that one special lady into spending her life with me, I was no fashion plate. About 60 percent of my clothes have the words “Ohio University” on them. I don't dress up for work beyond a button-up shirt and jeans. I buy new duds about once every presidential cycle.
All of us – we're the stories we tell ourselves. I used to tell myself a story about being above looks. About believing all that matters is personality. Other people can spend time on being superficial. I'm a person of substance. I suppose some of that is true, but the older I get, I see it was a dodge. My holier-than-thou attitude about looks was about more than drawing some line in the sand (that no one cared about but me.)
At some point I realized I hate shopping for clothes because shopping for clothes is a red flashing lights and loud siren reminder that I am overweight. The dressing room has like 80 mirrors, so you can see how fat you are 80 times, plus there are other people just a few short feet away on the other side of the partition trying on their clothes uncomfortably close to your fatness.
When I say I hate shopping for clothes, I mean I HATE IT. You know that feeling you get when you're doing something and you can feel your skin crawl, and you just want to run away and be anywhere but where you are in that moment? That's me with shopping for clothes. I'm Unfrozen Caveman Joe – your shiny department stores anger and confuse me. I just want to run to the hills or maybe the food court for some Asian Chao.
This body was not built for modern clothing.
My feet are too wide for most shoes. I wear New Balance because they fit my feet, not because I'm all in on the boring dad lifestyle. (I mean, I am a boring dad. And I celebrate the lifestyle fully. But I'd wear other shoes if they fit as well.)
My height is also an issue. I'm 5-foot-4 sober (5-foot-8 when drinking). My pants length is 29, but most clothing makers don't sell a 36/29, so I have to get a 36/30, which is too long, and I can't be bothered to find a tailor to shorten my pants because then I am once again reminded that I am a human fire hydrant who can't wear shelf pants out the door.
My shoulders are broad, as is my chest. With shirts, I am too large for a medium and too medium for a large. If they made an extra medium, that would be my shirt size, but for some reason, with men, clothing makers are like – you're either the size of a Swedish teen boy, or your shirt can also be an infield tarp. Good luck! Throw in the fact that what used to be a $19 shirt is now a $49 shirt for some reason, and I don't want anything to do with any of it.
You know how Mark Zuckerberg, Steve Jobs and Ricky Gervais are known for wearing the same clothes? I GET IT. My wife jokes about my “uniform.” When I find comfortable clothes I can wear around the house, I wear them all the time. I have an old pair of camo shorts that I can't find anymore because I think they got tired of being worn every day, went out for a pack of smokes and never came back. I wore those camo shorts and a red gym shirt every day when I freelanced and worked from home in LA. If your wife cringes at the site of your clothes for months, that's a sign. But I don't want to think about what I wear. I just want to be comfortable and give my wife something to bond with the girls over brunch.
What I never wanted to face is that how you look and how you choose to represent yourself is part of your identity whether you like it or not. I think this finally dawned on me when at some point over the last couple years everything got a little too casual. People going to formal events in jeans or sweatpants. High school and college kids going to school in pajamas. Patrons at nice restaurants in T-shirts. Something in me recoiled and said, no, no, no, no, no – this is wrong. I'm not the clothes police, but the total lack of effort just reeks of – and this is the Italian in me – disrespect.
As a nation, it feels like our politics are now the politics of disrespect, and that same attitude is mirrored all around us, and I'm sometimes part of that thing I don't like. THAT makes my skin crawl. More than the shopping. I suspect this is why my attitude has changed. Like it or not, how I present myself is a sign of respect for myself and others. It's a choice.
I used to laugh about all the old guidos in Mayfield Heights (AKA Mafia Heights) who over-dressed like they were in a mob movie, but I get it now – theirs was a culture steeped in respect. (And also wanting to look nice for the ladies. But I think the respect thing loomed large.) How you look is a reflection of your view of the world. If you hold a romantic worldview, you look the part. If you think the world is hopeless, you're not busting out the tight lime-green pants, gold necklace and the silk shirt with only the one button buttoned.
When I get my weight down, maybe I can finally untangle this mental Gordian Knot of shopping emotions that's been wound up tight since I was a chubby teen who hated shopping who grew up to be a chubby adult who hated shopping. I don't want anything I do in my life to be a journey into the depths of misery, and I also don't want to contribute to a culture moving towards the normalization of wedding sweatpants. I will shop for clothes as long as I live. Maybe I might enjoy it for once?
Drum roll, please...
Starting weight: 187
Last week: 183
This week: 183
Goal: 170
Thanksgiving was last week, and my brother made a hell of a bird and my sister-in-law and her mother and my mother ran wild with amazing sides. Holding serve at 183 is a win.
Shout-outs
I got quite an email from an old friend in LA that I will be thinking about all week. He didn't post it as a comment here, so I won't go into the details, other than to say that much of what he wrote hit home about the challenges of both losing and keeping the weight off. One thing I will share is this tweet that made a big impression on him, and I can see why. It's loaded with good advice.
My buddy Ryun the runner checks in with an update that's similar to mine. He only lost .3 of a pound this week, but with Thanksgiving and all, he says it's a win. He also started intermittent fasting, and it's going well. He offered some good advice that I've sort of been doing but could hit harder – varying up my workout routine. I see this advice a lot. He says it's working for him. These are the nudges I need to try new things.
Thank you, Michell, for sharing this meme with me. This is exactly the face I make in dressing rooms.
Have an update on your journey? Need support? Have advice? Leave a comment or shoot me a message.
1. I was ready to take my life in my hands by crossing the river so I could punch you in the nose in you told me you lost weight last week. Congratulations on maintaining. I think it is the goal of every American to maintain of the 4 day carb-a-thon that is Thanksgiving. I couldn’t even look at the scale this week, so don’t bother asking.
2. I grew up without a scale in the house so I measured my weight by pants size. At 4’8” I was in kids sizes until college. When I really started gaining weight and had to move into A. Adult sizes and then B. From regular button/snap waists to elastic waists it was embarrassing. But going from numbers to letters was even worse.
3. I actually embrace the leisurewear trend. I can always buy sweatpants with a gathered or elastic band on the bottom so I don’t need them hemmed. And, the societal embracing of leggings is a real win for me too. Now not the leggings women wear to the gym that are all tight and clingy and show parts they shouldn’t show. I’m talking about the correctly sized, less clingy in areas that should not be clung to, tasteful leggings. And, at stretchy fabric, who’s going to hem that? Not my mom, that’s for sure. Men have it easier. You can wear a pullover, collared shirt untucked with an elastic waist pair of khakis and a sports coat/leather jacket/jean jacket and your NB tennies.
4. Most of my non-work clothes were OU branded as well, until I started growing out of them. Then I was forbidden from restocking. I’m working to change that now.
5. I’ve given up shopping in person and instead buy from stores that are in the mall AND online. That way, I’m familiar with sizing and with return policies if I can’t make the purchases work for me. No more listening to fellow shoppers try on their clothes successfully while I struggle to squish myself into a size I don’t feel will embarrass me at checkout. Just a few clicks and I PayPal my life away.
6. Another bit of advice from the lifelong dieter: it has to be a lifestyle change. You have to want to lose that weight enough and KEEP it off enough to change your whole relationship with food. Otherwise you’re going to struggle with that same 40 lbs, and probably more, for your whole life.
Maintaining > gaining....so good for you. I gained a pound and I'm not exactly sure why. I made an appointment with my doctor last year specifically to address weight loss. He told me I'm doing everything right but gave no reason why I'm not losing weight. I wanted to punch him in the face (that's the Italian in ME).
And I have the opposite problem from you. I keep buying clothes, mostly online like Michell said. I'm familiar with the sizing and I can return them to the mall. I keep buying clothes hoping that they will make me look and feel better. When I lost weight years ago I swore I would not live in sweatpants because you can't tell if you are putting weight on. Those jeans, however, do not lie. I pulled out those sweatpants when the jeans got tight though.
I am getting to that old stage in my life where I want to yell at everyone to get off my lawn, so keep that in mind. I do not think pajama pants should ever be worn in public. Ever. There are public sweatpants and sweatpants that should also never leave the house. If we don't treat ourselves with respect, how can we expect others to do it? Whether it is right or wrong, we look at people differently based on how they present themselves in certain situations. I guess it depends on how much you care about how people see you.
Good luck this week. I'm determined to make it happen!