Kids birthday locations, decoded
A park
Our kid was born in the summer, and we don't want to deal with cleaning the house
Chuck E. Cheese
Our kid was born in the winter, fall or spring, and we don't want to deal with cleaning the house
Home
We renovated our house within the last 2 years and want to show it off
Restaurant
Ran out of ideas, house is a mess, waited too long to book Chuck E. Cheese
Movie
JUST WANT 2 HOURS OF QUIET FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY
Bowling alley
We discussed it, and all the parents want to drink
Swimming pool
Our sweet Maeve is thinking about Princeton
Zipline course
We're Gen-X parents who think the fear of death is an important part of childhood
Trampoline park
We think this will tire the kids but have yet to grasp the basic dynamics of Kid Energy
Apple orchard
We’re communists
Build-a-Bear
We’re capitalists
Ninja warrior course
Master-level parents – emulate these people
Children's Museum
Life is chaos, and the earlier we embrace it, the better we can face it
Fire department
Our middle son almost burned the house down
Indoor water park
Charlotte and I are big believers in free-range parenting
Laser tag
We get all of our prepper goods from the ads on the Glenn Beck show
Ice cream shop
The other master-level parents; good friends with the Ninja Warrior Course parents
Ice rink
Our daughter has been skating competitively since she was 3 and has USA qualifiers coming up
Museum
We make up our own languages as a family for fun
Dave and Busters
The kids' birthday is the same day as the football game and life is a series of compromises
Arts and crafts store
We have a Bernie Sanders sticker on our Subaru
Martial arts center
Whole family has yelled “pain does not exist at this dinner table” at some point
Zoo
The kid has a weird obsession with lemurs and we're just leaning into it at this point
I know this list is incomplete. Suggest another location below, and I will attempt to decode it.
This was a lot more funnier to read when your kids are grown up and past this stage.
When you were a kid did you have birthday parties at McDonalds? I’m assuming that’s what you mean by at a restaurant, so just checking. I’m not aware of any chains that still do birthday parties. If I’m being honest, I got a McD’s party because it was a month after Christmas and Chuck E. Cheese was too expensive. I also got a Helen Hutchley’s (ice cream) parlor party on the snowiest day of the entire winter. I was begging friends to come. It was not cool. My little brother, the brat, has the perfect mid-sommer birthday. He got to take friends to Geauga Lake and the water park at Boston Mills/Brandywine. He and another friend had combined parties at a mini-golf too. Little shit. There’s always the Grand-daddy of all combo parties held at Sweetie’s in the summer. There’s mini-golf, a soda/ice-cream shop AND they can shop Sweeties for whatever candy floats their boat, or at least doesn’t make them puke.